I've never thought of myself as a very passionate person. Probably the only thing I'm close to passionate about is my photography. I realize it's because I can see the world through the lens and not have to be directly involved in it. I can be on the outskirts blurred into obscurity. Unnoticed, uninterrupted, under no obligation to respond or interact. Maybe that's why I take more pictures of objects, scenes and animals rather than people.
My imagination can be set free through the lens. I come up with a "picture" in my mind then hope to capture or translate it onto film/mega pixels. It's fun to see the results. I'll admit it can also be frustrating when the end result refuses to mimic the image in my mind's eye. But those so called failures are only avenues to new successes. Several dozen pictures typically lead to only a couple keepers.
Photography is my way of leaving this world and going adrift in my own bubble. Capturing the big picture then absorbing all the intricacies contained within. Time slows and sounds wither near to silence, my breathing relaxes and my mind opens up. Colors seem more vibrant, the tiniest details appear larger than life. Or perhaps today those colors would be more luring if showcased in varying tones of black, grey and white. Or maybe stepping back blurs the details and showcases the towering mountains in the big picture. The possibilities are endless!
It can be the perfect hobby for a person with a short attention span ~~ subject matter can change moment to moment. It can be a never ending challenge for the perfectionist ~~ beauty in the eye of the ever critical beholder is hard to attain. It can be a curse for someone who refuses to give up ~~ just one more angle or exposure or shutter speed. Well, I'm all of those things rolled into one. I know it can be exhausting if you're unlucky enough to be around me in my photographer mode. Which is why I reign myself in and rarely take photos any more unless I'm alone or with someone who knew the purpose of the day was to explore and take time to really see the world with me. My imaginary bubble bursts, loudly, when I know my passion is an inconvenience for those around me. And, you're right, I sometimes don't know when to say when. Sometimes I don't want to. Sometimes it's my way of finding me again. And if I ask you to come along with me and my camera it's because I value your company and have allowed you into that part of my world. If I don't ask you to come along, it just means I need "me" time. Nothing personal.
Anticipating the end product is like being a kid on Christmas morning. It's a great feeling to see the frozen image come out exactly the way you envisioned it. For all the seemingly selfish "me" time spent out in the field, I have to admit there are a number of photos taken because I know someone who'd love to have them. THE BEST FEELING of all is seeing the smile a simple photo can bring. Like when, without knowing, I captured the happy essence of a little girl fishing for the first time, eyes bright, smile beaming. Her mom got a little teary eyed with happiness as she held the photo. It's those moments that make my passion worthwhile.
There is not one single selfish cell in your entire Being, my friend. You are the rarest of treasures- a creative force who comes down to earth to bring a smile, a hug, pure magic in a photograph...
ReplyDeleteOh yes. Can I just raise my hand and say that your photography, the moments you've captured between Des and I- these are the single best pictures I have of her? Of me?
The shot you took of her while she was fishing... yes, I cried. The tears still come unbidden every time I look at it. There is hope in her eyes. You captured hope and time in a bottle. A little girl who had just a few short hours before her dad would command her presence, require her physical being- found solace in fishing with her Auntie PJ.
I know. I might have a Guiness Book record for longest comments ever... argh.
PJ- you are a genius. Pure magic. As such, you require your own space to breathe, to be, to work unfettered, unbridled, uncommitted to another's needs, wants or wishes.
I love following you as you work your photographic brew, and I value the sacred space when you must necessarily prowl alone.
Your gift to us, to the world, is summed up in Desiree's words of last night, "Mom, PJ is the most creative person I know. I wish I could be like her when I grow up. She makes magic. She makes hurt feelings go away when she gives people things. Can you tell her for me? I'm too scared."
Yes, oh outstandingly, YES. I most certainly can. And will.
And also, if there is a single person I would want my daughter to be when she grows up: it would be YOU. Just as you are.
the paths of creativity are many, and each of us follow our own, to greater or lesser success... glad to meet you [through ti]
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